Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Common Ground

This blog is intended to help NT males who are dating Aspie women,or who are considering dating a woman with Aspergers Syndrome. I am not an expert on the topic...but I am learning everyday and I hope whatever I share with you helps in someway shape or form. -Asbury



The first thing you have to accept and realize is this person who you have chosen to be in a relationship with.... doesn't think like you at all. She sees the world visually, whereas you see the world in words, in shades of grey, with empathy. It may seem like she has no emotions at all at times, or hurtful with her words when she is only stating a point, and her feelings for you haven't changed... not even a little.


I met my girlfriend at a renaissance festival about a year ago and we had lost touch.Recently we found each other again online and decided to date. We both have an affinity for similar things; 90's music,British history, television, and movies. It really all started with a Star Wars question... Did Han shoot first? Sufficed to say both of our answers were right,and our love began from there.


She had canceled our first date twice or three times....I should probably ask her because she has a photographic memory...but for the sake of this blog and her sanity I won't. When we finally did meet it was only for an hour and we had to skip our first two places to have a drink... because they were too crowded. 


I didn't notice her Aspergers right away because females with Aspergers tend to blend in better than males. I also am very attracted to tomboys... I have been my whole life so I didn't know that she feels and relates more like a male than being a female.I did notice that she was very strong willed,and very forthcoming with her opinions but for me growing up in New England harsh words and bluntness were nothing new.


Silence, I have found is something I have come to appreciate and loathe at the same time,at times my girlfriend can be very silent and it can feel very awkward in social situations.But what may be awkward for you doesn't compare to the struggle she is facing. In a social situation where the loudest noise in the room,loud music, bright lights  can all trigger a meltdown for her....and there is nothing you can do about it.Well ... almost nothing.


When a meltdown occurs don't touch never touch! She is going through a struggle that only she knows how to escape from. She may walk out of the room or restaurant, she may fidget, her eyes may twitch but depending on the severity you may be able to pull her out of it... by talking to her about something she absolutely loves.


My girlfriend loves British history or hockey or Star Wars and these are things that I have a common interest with her in. Understand she has an IQ of 172 which is genius level, far smarter than I will ever be. So every chance I get I pick her brain... and sometimes, not all the time, it helps when she is in meltdown stage.


My final thought is..BE PREPARED Be Prepared to have the most loving and loyal woman you'll ever meet,and for all the negatives, know that the positives far outweigh them and that person will be the best person you've ever met.


To my beautiful Aspie I am here ...I am listening in this beautiful silence.


Asbury